2. Trust your knowing

Sometimes you just know. You take action without any idea why or where you might be going. You just get that undeniable nudge, and you walk forward. On Feb 22, 2014, three months prior to my diagnosis, I did one of those things.  

I was flying cross country from Baltimore to California. It was one of those flights where you take off in the cold rainy nastiness of Baltimore winter only to puncture through the cloud cover revealing a perfectly sunny day above. I felt the shift as we made this transition, and simultaneously had an impulse.

I opened my laptop and saved a new document entitled “E.Motion=Power” I’m not sure I even knew what that meant at the time. The words rushed out before I could think them. What I did know was like this sky there were two competing parts of myself; My ego mind that was a swirling undercurrent of 38 years full of stories, fears and limiting beliefs; And my higher self, a new way of seeing, that was waiting patiently for the storms to subside. I needed to find the truth. And so I began the purge. 

Two and a half hours of intense typing later, we landed in San Francisco. The sky was now the same above as below. Clear, blue and expansive, except for a small feathery wisp of clouds to the north. As I gazed, I realized they were in the shape of a bird. A phoenix! 

Looking back I see what a huge turning point this was for me. In that window seat, high above the heaviness, I had created the vessel and the ritual to burn the ashes of my old life so I might rise anew. 

Exactly one year later (to the day!) from this fateful flight on 2.22, I was given the clear. I was in remission. I’d completed my walk through the fire, the phoenix had risen, and the storm cells of cancer were gone. But more importantly, I had taken the courageous steps to find peace from within. 

Don’t ignore the nudges my friend.  Trust your knowing and move forward in faith that you will understand why you did further down the road.