1. Look for the signs

Some people have asked me over the years, were there signs?

Overwhelmingly yes. So many. The universe had set the stage in so many ways for me to walk through this time.

Perhaps my favorite sign was a visit from my Grandfather. Since he parted in my early teens he had paid me visits periodically over the years in the form of vivid dreams.

This night (10 years ago) was the most multi-sensory experience I’d had yet. Granddaddy, as I affectionately called him, swooped in energetically and embraced me in a giant hug. My smile pressed against his scratchy plaid wool suit. I had forgotten what he smelled like.

I breathed him in and tried to savor this reunion, until we both giggled, clumsily falling out of the hug as our feet tangled in a dance to find our grounding. We caught each other, steadied, full belly laughed and embraced once more.

I awoke feeling the deep significance of this visit, but I didn’t know why. Little did I know in the coming weeks I’d be finding a lump. That it was already there during that hug, hiding between his heart and mine.

Looking back I realize he knew I was about to embark on an epic adventure. He was excited for my journey out of darkness. He was giving me his vote of confidence and letting me know I’m always supported. I won’t fall. I could find joy and connection and fun in this dance of life, even if I start to lose my footing.

Guess what, y’all!? He came to visit me again this week - 10 years later. This time his smile was wider than I ever remembered. The kind of full toothed grin you beam at your child who just sang their first solo at the school talent show. Proud, elated, joyful and humbled that this little angelic voice somehow was an extension of you.

I leave for you some pictures of us. That’s me in the front with the white hat. We were “sledding” in a cardboard box. He was (and will forever be) my creative, resourceful and joyful muse. And I know he is proud of me for telling you my story.

Look for the signs my friend. We are always supported.